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> Updates > The Swing I opened the room and there he was lying on his bed with his bare back visible. He was sleeping and I could see a part of the large tattoo on his back. Could not figure out what it meant. I closed the door. Let him sleep. He was not in his energetic spirits for the past few days, and today he was sleeping till 10.00 am. Not a regular thing for him. The day passed but I did not see him. Evening, before leaving the place, I again thought of checking with him. He was again lying on his bed but awake. He appeared sad. When I enquired about his wellbeing, he appeared irritated also. When I further went deep into the reasons, he appeared angry too. The anger soon turned into helplessness and also a sense of hopelessness. ‘There is no meaning to anything” he said. “I have no purpose” “I am living like a robot” “I can’t live like this “ “I will run away,” “I don’t know where!” He was carrying this low mood for last few days and it took just 2 minutes to go through this entire cycle of low mood to aloofness, to sadness, to irritation, to anger, to helplessness and to hopelessness. We spoke for a minute or so. And then came the final emotions. Small drops of salty water, that he as trying to hold and hide from everyone, started making their way into a world where they would vanish as soon as they get released. The final release. The final freedom. What he was carrying for so many days finally vanished in few minutes. He was back in his spirits. He had regained his positive space. But those few days were almost like hell to him. So bad that the life stopped having any meaning or peace. It was just pain and more pain and meaningless. Now that he is out of it, will he again go back in the same darkness? Of course he can! And off course he will!! That is what proves that he is not a robot! He is human and that’s why he will swing around this ‘light and darkness’ Yin and Yang!! We discussed that we cannot avoid this swing but we surely can reduce the intensity and frequency of these tides. I may feel low but not to that extent of depression and I may feel high but again not to the extent of a mania. This may not happen on its own though. Every balancing or improving act needs an effort. Every recovering process may need help. He understood. Actually, he already knew. He has done it before. It’s not the knowledge alone that will make a difference. An action is what we need. A daily action as part of the balancing act. A never ending, continuous action. An effortless action, that becomes a part of the lifestyle. I am fine.

The Swing

I opened the room and there he was lying on his bed with his bare back visible.
 
He was sleeping and I could see a part of the large tattoo on his back. Could not figure out what it meant.
 
I closed the door.
 
Let him sleep.
 
He was not in his energetic spirits for the past few days, and today he was sleeping till 10.00 am. Not a regular thing for him. 
 
The day passed but I did not see him.  Evening, before leaving the place, I again thought of checking with him.
 
He was again lying on his bed but awake.
 
He appeared sad.  When I enquired about his wellbeing, he appeared irritated also. When I further went deep into the reasons, he appeared angry too. The anger soon turned into helplessness and also a sense of hopelessness.
 
‘There is no meaning to anything” he said.
“I have no purpose”
“I am living like a robot”
“I can’t live like this “
“I will run away,” “I don’t know where!”
 
He was carrying this low mood for last few days and it took just 2 minutes to go through this entire cycle of low mood to aloofness, to sadness, to irritation, to anger, to helplessness and to hopelessness.
 
We spoke for a minute or so.
 
And then came the final emotions. Small drops of salty water, that he as trying to hold and hide from everyone, started making their way into a world where they would vanish as soon as they get released.
 
The final release.  The final freedom.
 
What he was carrying for so many days finally vanished in few minutes.
 
He was back in his spirits.  He had regained his positive space.
 
But those few days were almost like hell to him. So bad that the life stopped having any meaning or peace. It was just pain and more pain and meaningless.
 
Now that he is out of it, will he again go back in the same darkness?
 
Of course he can!
 
And off course he will!!
 
That is what proves that he is not a robot!
He is human and that’s why he will swing around this ‘light and darkness’
 
Yin and Yang!!
 
We discussed that we cannot avoid this swing but we surely can reduce the intensity and frequency of these tides. I may feel low but not to that extent of depression and I may feel high but again not to the extent of a mania.
 
This may not happen on its own though.
 
Every balancing or improving act needs an effort.
Every recovering process may need help.
 
He understood.
Actually, he already knew. He has done it before.
 
It’s not the knowledge alone that will make a difference.  An action is what we need.
 
A daily action as part of the balancing act.
 
A never ending, continuous action.
An effortless action, that becomes a part of the lifestyle.
 
I am fine.

2020-07-27T15:32:46
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